This has been one of those weeks where I wonder why God has blessed us with so many little ones. ( I didn’t think three was “many” until I had to look after them.) I feel like I haven’t done this blessing justice in my mothering. Deep sigh. There are so many days where I climb into bed regretting something; some impatient response or unmet need, some harsh word or mean look. In fact when I think about it, that happens EVERY night. DANG IT! I can imagine God slapping his forehead thinking “What was I doing? She was impatient before she had children. Why on earth did I give her three?!” Thankfully these moments pass and I remember that God didn’t give us children because he thought I would be a brilliant mother, but because HE is a brilliant Father. God is a BIG and POWERFUL GOD. (BOOM!) Every day, even those days where there is vomit dripping from the top bunk to the bottom, He gives me the strength to be a mother. Not just to bear having children around but to actually MOTHER them. He helps me to love, love, love and love some more. To love in action even though my mind is whining about not having enough sleep or enough quiet, and when I am having to answer the same question for the 34th time because my 5 yr old won’t believe that I have actually said no and meant it. (It amazes me that she can even think of 34 different ways to ask the same question in the hope that it will get a different response.) Oh how I wish that I would lean on Him more often. I wish that I could remember how He loves me when I am trying to love my children: graciously, gently, wisely, unconditionally. When I am trying (and flailing/failing) to love them, it is inspiring to think about how much He loves me. When I remember that I am filled with gratitude. It is hard to be grumpy when you are filled with gratitude. Suddenly all that vomit, sleeplessness and noise becomes nothing compared to loving my children alongside Him. Thank God it is not all up to me! At least God knows what He is doing and I will trust that He will bless my children in the same way He lavishes his blessings on me.
P.S. Sorry about that gruesome vomit image, but it really did happen this week.
